Letting Intuition Take the Wheel (Or in this case...the paintbrush)
I had a total silent freak out the other day. The freak outs where you are suddenly taking a full internal body scan of yourself and your brain and you realize, shit ain't right. You see, I've always been A.D.D. Diagnosed in second grade and refused to take my adderall prescription until I was in high school....until I realized colleges weren't going to let me in based on the doodles in my notebook.
As a creative, I always felt like the medicine itself took part of my light away, my energy, my...pazazz, if you will. I came to look at it as a necessary evil. I grew up in a world where A.D.D. has a negative connotation, a world that tries to "fix" it, rather than "celebrate it."Once college and testing were behind me - praise Jesus - so was the adderall. I was done, or so I thought.
Enter 2020 - the year of Covid. I was 6 years deep into running my business, had an assistant handling the areas where I fell short and things were going swimmingly, or so I thought. Like so many small business owners, I quickly found myself as a team of me, myself and I. I was shipping, running to the post office, sealing envelopes, and responding to emails in between throwing the occasional paint on a canvas.
At first, the challenge of it all was a bit thrilling to me, adrenaline inducing, until it was 3 am and I was texting the Fedex man trying to locate the New York destined piece of art that I had mysteriously shipped to California. Shit.The f*cking details. They get me every time.
Back on the adderall I went to insure your purchases wound up at the right door lol (funny now / not funny then). 4 years later, 4 assistants, 1 baby, I'm still on it. Why? Those damn details. The juggling. The schedules. The deadlines. It's a LOT for a gal with monkey brain.
You may wonder where the hell I am going with this. Well, here's the thing. The other day, when I had that "freak out" I mentioned earlier, what I realized was this. Sure, my to-do list was pretty but my anxiety was through the roof and I felt SO far away from the passion, the inspiration, the adventure, and the creativity that pulled me in this direction in the first place.
As I sat in my studio staring at a piece that I had just gotten back from the framer, I was really having an awakening of sorts. You see, this piece was wild. It was created on a whim. A 9pm moment in the studio where adderall was long gone from my system, inspiration struck, my favorite music was on, color was being thrown, layered, scratched onto the surface purely based on my gut telling me where it should go. Creating to create - no end outcome in mind. It was fun. It was cathartic. Shit, I thought, "It's DOROTHY!! She is still in there!!!"
Sometimes, you just have to wipe the dust off the mirror to reintroduce yourself to....well, YOU! I'm looking forward to getting to know that human again.To celebrate LOVE and loving ourselves JUST as we are - A.D.D. and all.
I will be releasing a collection of works on paper on my website on Monday, February 12th at 9 am. This series will be all about butterflies.....something that has been on my heart and brain for a while now but "organized" Dorothy put off creating and said no to. It's a series about trusting your intuitive, leaning into your callings and dusting off the BEST version of yourself!
Grateful to have you along on this journey. If you are local and have plans to purchase as a gift for valentine's day, we will have your pieces wrapped and ready for pick up from the studio on the 14th!!